Big Love

Big  Love

The Okavango Delta, located in Botswana, is the largest inland delta in the world.  It’s formed by the Okavango River which flows into the middle of Botswana and is consumed primarily by plants and evaporation.  We had the pleasure of visiting this UNESCO site a few years ago while on a two week safari.  There’s an abundance of wildlife here.  You couldn’t walk behind a tree to “mark your territory” without a guide, gun in hand, first checking to see if it was safe.  We learned, while exploring its waterways, there’s plenty of stuff that’ll kill you….which we encountered first hand.

Our entourage of ten was given the option to explore the delta with some local tribal members via mokoro canoes –  long narrow, wooden dug out vessels that had a clearance of about 6”.  Three per mokoro with a guide in the stern using a 12’ pole to propel the craft through the water.  Elaine and Kathy jumped into the lead mokoro with Elaine in the front.  Erin, also in front, and I were in mokoro #2 with our guide, Dikka.  I picked Dikka because he, by far, looked the oldest of the crew so I assumed he was most experienced and knowledgeable about bush survival.  In we go with a sack lunch and around 10 cans of soda for extra fuel. Granted, we could have drank from the delta as the water was so clean, but we opted for playing it safe.   

To get to the mokoro launch site we had to take flat bottom aluminum boats a good hour + from our outpost.  After boarding our mokoros it was then close to two hours of poling to get to our destination, a large island that promised up-close-and-personal views of big game.  Great.  Navigating through the delta was pretty uneventful, as we were winding through three foot wide “paths” carved in the 20’ tall papyrus.  You don’t see much but crystal clear water, blue sky, and papyrus.

After about an hour of us weaving through the reeds we hear snorting. I don’t want to hear snorting of any kind unless I’m sitting comfortably on my couch in my living room, especially not while riding on a repurposed log hours away from civilization.  Kathy, Elaine, and their guide exit the reeds into a small lake size opening.  Granted, I wasn’t in the front row like Elaine but I got a pretty good view of what happened next.  Swimming underwater towards them is a massive hippo (are they anything other than massive?).  He/she is making a beeline for their mokoro with no intention to slow down.  Their guide immediately swings the mokoro around and rams it into the papyrus.  Did I mention papyrus is something you can’t climb or jump on to escape? He then proceeds to take his 12’ pole and slap it on the water, trying to frightening Godzilla.  Bubbles are rising up to the surface, Elaine has rolled up into a ball, and, besides the pole, the only other method of defense was our 2 pound Nikon camera.  A hippo tooth weighs 2 pounds! Oh, and did I mention that hippos get the gold medal for African animals for killing humans?

Dikka elects to venture out and help.  WTF?  Ah, no. Sorry, the only weapons we have are cans of Sprite and Coke, and perhaps the urine that’s now accumulating in the bottom of our mokoro.  Why send the entire Pazaski clan to an early earthly exit?  I begin grabbing the papyrus while he’s trying to make his way to the front lines, and turned around, looking at him, again thinking “are you f’ing nuts?” He kinda did look a little out there with his gapped tooth grin.

I’m saying to myself, “Dikka, I will betroth one of my daughters to you if you get us out of here alive”.  At least the one remaining in our boat.  My heart has moved to my head; that’s what it sounded like.  Seconds feel like an eternity. Finally, the pole slapping works and the hippo decides to do a perfect Michael Phelps flip turn and head in the opposite direction. 

So, what the heck? I thought this was supposed to be a leisurely ride with little, if any, excitement.  The guides gather, looking perplexed, and question their next move. Consensus rules and off we continue to the island.  Once we get there, they tell their pale skinned companions they’ve never encountered hippos in that area.  Huh, guess you forgot to tell the hippos that.  Hippo toll booth out?  They also said the reason why they were mad and heading for us is we may have interrupted them mating.  Well there ya go!  A valid excuse if I’ve heard any. Gordy has Bethany in the mood, Barry White playing, no crocs in the vicinity, the sun’s high, water temp perfect.  Afternoon delight and lo and behold here comes 20+ humans to spoil it all.  Big Love, gone bad.

The return trip was uneventful, fortunately.  I hugged Dikka, perhaps a bit too long, when we departed.  He had my life, and Erin’s, in his hands. I’ve never loved a person more.  Sorry, got a little emotional there.  Next stop, Namibia’s Caprivi Strip.